Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The bodies continue to pile up.... work.  I speaking of ant bodies of course and I'm trying to decide what the best deterrent for them would be.  So I've decided to list the ideas I've come up with and let you my readers pick the best option or options.

  • Spikes:  In ancient times conquers would place the head of someone on the end of a spike to deter other people from doing whatever they had done.  I'm sure I can find some tooth picks or pinning needles to place the ant heads on, but then I'll probably have to stick the other end into a marshmallow to hold it up, which will just lure more in.  
  • Carbon Dioxide: When we want to incapacitate the flies in the lab, we gas them down with carbon dioxide and it knocks them out.  If you submerge them in the gas for too long then they die.  It should work the same on the ants, the only downside to this method would be that my office would no longer be functional to my coworkers or I, unless we wanted extended naps.
  • Toys:  Whether demonic dolls, or bored army men, everyone knows that as soon as the lights go out, the toys come to life.  And I'll just have to provide incentives for them to attack the ants and not innocent strangers trying to find sanctuary from the rain.
  • Anteater: The zoo here has one or two, maybe I can borrow them for a couple days until the problem is resolved.  But the major downside to this would be cleaning up the poo left behind.  The janitor at work hasn't been by in a few months and I'm not sure I could handle the stink in the trash can.
  • Anti-Ant signs:  This is the politest method.  I'll just put up some signs telling the ants they aren't allowed.  The problem?  I'll have to teach the ants how to read.
  • Fire: I remember growing up and my dad taking a blowtorch to the ant hills in the yard.  It seemed effective and fun.  Of course I don't want to get arrested for arson.
  • Negotiator:  Maybe I could hire Samuel L. Jackson to convince the ants to not attack.  I'm not sure I can afford a negotiator like that on my meager income.
  • Rock'n'Roll:  I've heard that all that noise the kids are listening to these days will rot your brains!  Maybe I could just blast it and see what happens to the ants.   There are two perilous side effects to this one though.  The first being that one of my coworkers will probably turn his jazz up louder, and the second would be that the ants' brains might fry and they would turn into zombie ants.  No one would be happy with zombie ants or loud jazz.
  • Convert them:  Maybe with a little Jesus in their lives, then maybe they would turn from their stealing ways.  Of course they might try to abuse the grace given them and just steal even more and then how will I do my yeast experiments?  
  • Continue to drop various office implements on them:  I have been find different things on my desk to drop on them after growing bored with just squishing them with my finger.  I've used post-it pads, nalgene bottle, keyboard, pens.  The only problem with this method is that the carcasses are starting to pile up on the floor, and since I don't know when the custodian will be back to vacuum the carpet, it might get kinda gross in there rather quickly.  
There you go, those are the options I've come up with, can you think of something better or would you stick with one of my ideas?


  1. Take some Dawn liquid soap and make a circle around your work area. The ants won't cross the line and then will move on to harass your co-workers. Only problem here, don't slip on the soap and fall. That's my suggestion to keep the bodies from piling up in your work station. lol

  2. I think you should pull a Cortez. Go in and Conquer the ants and then send them to a piece of the office floor thats not arable.

  3. well i think i found a new strategy for the ants...i'll have to post on it tomorrow!