Wearied by man....

...can't chase the horses!

I want to go to the moon!  Literally. 

But let me step back a day and tell you why I bring that up.  I struggle with my perception of other's idiocy.  I'm not saying that those people that I struggle with are idiots, I'm just saying that in my pride I see them as such and then I struggle with their actions internally, often causing massive amounts of stress for myself and sometimes poor responses on my part. 

So last night I was driving home from job number two where there are multiple occasions to view other people's actions as idiocy (Thank God for the sanctification power of retail).  And from my aerie of pride I got frustrated with an individual who changed a policy because of what looks like spite.  I got frustrated mostly because it impacted me and others I like in a negative way (and productivity as a whole).  I fumed silently and on my drive home I pondered why I held on to that stuff so much.  Why I let others frustrate me so much.  And then I saw the moon!

It was a full moon.  The sky and surrounding plains were lit up like the Las Vegas strip at night,  maybe a wee bit less garish.  And I was struck by how small it looked yet how massive it really was all at the same time.  I wanted to run across its face and let the moon dust sift between my fingers and just bask in the glory of God as I experience something he created that isn't much tainted by all of us.  I wanted to explore all his creation and discover just how intricate he made it all.   

Then it hit me that it'll be a long journey there if I continue to let others frustrate me so.  I am reminded of a play in my heart that has been growing for the last couple weeks.  A play that calls me to greater worship of something far bigger than myself.  And I am struck small again and it feels good and refreshing. 

As I was reading a passage from Jeremiah today, and Jeremiah complains to God about the usual woes and then God responds:

"If you have raced with men on foot, and they have wearied you,
how will you compete with horses?" Jeremiah 12:5

 

 

I want to compete with horses!  I want to go to the moon!  I want to not live a life frustrated!   

The ants go marching...

...two by two!

Okay, this has nothing to do with my former adventures in pest control (summary of said adventures).  This actually deals more with personal desires.  They always say that you should set a time to do such and such and then stick to it!  Usually this involves exercise or daily devotions and usually they tell you to do that at 5 am or something similarly ridiculous. 

I have discovered that the morning was not made for me, but maybe its for all those type A go-getters out there in the world. I'm not type A.  I don't think I can even transform into a type A person if I wanted to.  I don't have that desire, so life is good.  That actually makes me think of this:


Yeah, that dude isn't going to make it!

I've tried doing the early morning thing, but my bed has this gravitational pull that is so strong that even if I do leave its comfort, my brain stays with it in spirit.  Ask my wife how responsive I am in the wee hours.  She asked me the other day what time I came back to bed after comforting our older daughter who decided to wake up crying, very early in the morning.  I don't recall even leaving our bedroom. 

So usually I scoff at this advice, but today I've decided to try it.  It won't be an early morning thing, because I want to write everyday and if I tried to demand that I write something first thing in the morning, my writing would be more incomprehensible than my two year-old's drawings. 

My goal is two sentences written or wrote, damn I hate verbs, by two in the afternoon.  2 x 2.   You might be thinking, Whoa, Bill, don't over do it!  And I might smirk at your smart-ass nature, and then explain to you that most days when I get over the blankness of the page and actually start writing, it just starts flowing and before I know it, a page is filled.  Much like this blog post that seems to be running on and on.  I started writing today at 1:48pm and haven't stopped and that was twenty minutes ago.  Its about momentum and I like it. 

So if you see me and its three o'clock in the afternoon, feel free to ask if I got my two in for the day!

The desert...

...and the itch!

I hate winter.  I actually dig the cooler weather.  I miss the snow here in Kansas, though when it does snow I miss having a dry driveway.  The thing that I hate about winter is the mental miasma I hit every winter.  There is a refreshing newness each spring which at some point begins to thaw my thoughts.  I begin to have hope and ideas renewed.

If I could bottle it I would, but of course if rainbows were just unicorns farting then we would see more single horned horses.

I want to write, yet I waste my time looking for some new toy, playing some stupid game, or mentally strangling some nuisance.  There are lots of ideas streaming through my head at any given moment but fear holds me back.  As I write this I want to delete it because it seems dull and uninteresting but I am thinking I need to post it just to get out of the rut of not writing.

I want to set goals to write and finish some stories, but I suck at goals and then I get distracted and it doesn't happen I feel bad and wished it was physically possible to kick my own butt.  So what do I do? How do I self-motivate when the voice of fear and procrastination scream louder than both my daughters combined?

I'll let you know when I finally figure out a way to scratch that itch....

I had a dream...

but not one of those earth shattering ones filled with racial harmony and nuclear disarmament.  No my dream was bordering on a nightmare.  In my dream, my back washed away!  Not only did it wash away, but so did my bank account and all that was left was a really poor looking terraced yard with concrete blocks.  The crawl space under the house was flooded and several friends and bosses came over to survey the damage and offer their advice of getting out while the getting was good.  At that point in the dream I was sure there was no getting out.

Then I woke up. And boy was I glad that it was only my sunroom's roof that had sprung a leak, rather than my yard eroding away.  And I was also glad that I had procrastinated to the point that I still hadn't mudded and taped the ceiling in the sunroom yet.

I should back up a few hours to explain the leak though.  DaNae woke me up at some awful hour (honestly it was so early that her alarm clock had decided to quit telling the time and only flashed 2:32 repeatedly).  It was raining and thundering hard.  She told me that she had six or seven buckets set up in the sunroom to catch the large streams of water flowing down.

After hearing this, I lightly cursed and turned over and tried to fall back to sleep, since she clearly had everything under control.  Then after about five minutes of enjoying the sound of rolling thunder, I realized that I should go take a look out side to see where the water was coming in while it was still raining.  I walked out in my penguin boxers with a pair of flip flops and a fleece jacket after tracking down a flashlight.  I waded through several inches of water that had piled up around the back yard, and then I saw it.  Vast amounts of water were pouring from the top of the down spout, where it connected with the gutter, and nothing was coming out of the bottom.  It was plugged.

I went back to bed knowing that I couldn't fix it then and the rain stopped shortly after.  Then today I fixed it and pulled some of the sheet rock down to see the damage.  Only a little bit of the insulation was drenched and if it doesn't dry an a day or so I can pull it and replace it with some of the stuff I have left in the garage.

As I showered I was amazed at how much of house problems revolve around water, yet how very necessary water is for survival and it reminded me of when I was young and thought about how I imagined when I was a child that clouds were invading ships filled with suicide drop troops, attacking us for all the water people we destroyed as we swam, drank and bathed.  Maybe I should do a short story on that.

Anyways, my dream has stuck with me all day and left me slightly stressed, but has still left me filling better about the actual problems.  And it reminded my of childhood imagination, I guess the water isn't so bad...