Musical Chairs...

...with the Scoffers!

Ever read something like a million times and then one day you read it and decide to look up one of the words, which you always assumed you knew, to find out what it means.  And then once you do so the thing you have been reading takes on a whole new light? 

Psalm 1:1 "Blessed is the man who....[doesn't] sit in the seat of scoffers."

I mean seriously I hadn't realized that I had taken the Scoffers' chair.  I will gladly give it back and find my own to sit in.  I prefer to be the blessed man, versus the seat stealer!

Wearied by man....

...can't chase the horses!

I want to go to the moon!  Literally. 

But let me step back a day and tell you why I bring that up.  I struggle with my perception of other's idiocy.  I'm not saying that those people that I struggle with are idiots, I'm just saying that in my pride I see them as such and then I struggle with their actions internally, often causing massive amounts of stress for myself and sometimes poor responses on my part. 

So last night I was driving home from job number two where there are multiple occasions to view other people's actions as idiocy (Thank God for the sanctification power of retail).  And from my aerie of pride I got frustrated with an individual who changed a policy because of what looks like spite.  I got frustrated mostly because it impacted me and others I like in a negative way (and productivity as a whole).  I fumed silently and on my drive home I pondered why I held on to that stuff so much.  Why I let others frustrate me so much.  And then I saw the moon!

It was a full moon.  The sky and surrounding plains were lit up like the Las Vegas strip at night,  maybe a wee bit less garish.  And I was struck by how small it looked yet how massive it really was all at the same time.  I wanted to run across its face and let the moon dust sift between my fingers and just bask in the glory of God as I experience something he created that isn't much tainted by all of us.  I wanted to explore all his creation and discover just how intricate he made it all.   

Then it hit me that it'll be a long journey there if I continue to let others frustrate me so.  I am reminded of a play in my heart that has been growing for the last couple weeks.  A play that calls me to greater worship of something far bigger than myself.  And I am struck small again and it feels good and refreshing. 

As I was reading a passage from Jeremiah today, and Jeremiah complains to God about the usual woes and then God responds:

"If you have raced with men on foot, and they have wearied you,
how will you compete with horses?" Jeremiah 12:5

 

 

I want to compete with horses!  I want to go to the moon!  I want to not live a life frustrated!   

Grumpiest old man...

...you must die!

We've all heard misery loves company.  But company definitely doesn't love misery.  Some days I feel like I'm company and a certain coworker is misery.  The only problem with the whole thing is that I often get dragged down to misery's level and become miserable myself.  I hate it.  Often I start talking to someone and by the time I'm done I wonder if I sounded like a whiny little girl or a grumpy old man. 

I'm pretty sure that I usually sound like an awful chimera of both. 

How does this happen? I drive into work, usually after spending about ten minutes hanging with my wife and daughter in silence as my brain warms up to the fact that it is awake. Then while it finishes its boot up cycle I'm half way to work and the last ten minutes I either focus on the good parts of life or get angry at people who drive 30mph (in the left lane, no less) when the speed limit is 65mph, but that anger fades quickly.  And I get to work with a pretty good attitude regardless.

Then I sit at my desk and eat some yogurt as I plan for my day and check the ol' email.  Then into the lab I head.  Ten minutes later I'm ready to throttle the old guy who doesn't have anything nice to say about anything or anyone.  He seems angry and bitter about everything.  His pay, all politicians, coworkers, construction workers, greeters at walmart, ants marching across his desk, and that guy that use to work with him 20 years ago!  Blegh. 

His attitude is corrosive.  I just stick in my head phones and find something semi-positive to listen to, yet he comes in and waits for me to stop to take my earbuds out to listen to his latest complaint.  Aaarrrgghhhh!!!! 

I had to text my wife today for prayer so that I didn't stab him with my lefthanded scissors that he keeps buying me (I write left-handed, but after a lifetime of dealing with right-handed scissors, I'm a righty in my cutting habits).  I had another coworker that told me he would help me dispose of the body. 

I find myself thinking up devious ways to get back at him.

Then while trying to divert my thoughts from revenge today, I was reminded of a movie.  Grumpy old men (go watch it if you haven't already).  And I realized that is my life.  We aren't competing for the love of a woman. I'm competing for my sanity.  I think up ways to make him suffer (I haven't thrown dead fish into his car yet) and luckily he hasn't retaliated, or realized that I do anything to make his worker life harder, otherwise things would escalate like they do in the movie. 

I actually haven't done a lot, I did pour a few granules of sugar on his desk to draw the ants away from mine, but at the time I was mad because he placed a full open bag on my desk, which really drew them towards my desk.  That doesn't really justify anything, I'm just saying I'm turning into a grumpier old man and soon I'll be worse than him.  I don't want that. 

I want joy and peace in my life.  To do that I need to kill the grumpy old man in me.   Its hard.  It'll take a lot of work.  I'm going to have to humble myself.  I might have to crank up the tunes in my earbuds or go deaf to block out some of the whining (doesn't Jesus say something about shoving pencils through your eardrums because its better to lose one, or two, parts of your body than to have it all thrown into hell?  not a literal translation, but I do think it might work in this situation).  Or I could just take Monday, Wednesday and Fridays off and never have to deal with him.

 The last two might be unrealistic, so I guess I'll have to do some internal work on me. 

Feel free to pray...

Knowledge and Identity...

...lessons from my daughter.

We have been working with Charleigh on signing so that its easier for her to communicate with us.  It hasn't been very successful, but I still try to use some of the signs that we know or made up while talking to her.  I made up one where I point to myself, draw a heart on my chest and then point to her while telling her that I love her.

At first when I started doing this I would get a big grin out of her.  Now when I do it she will sometimes still get that same grin and then point to herself.  Her mom keeps trying to teach her to say it back, but I honestly wouldn't care if she did, I just want her to know that I love her, that she can find comfort and rest in that.  When I see her point to herself I think to myself that she knows she is an object of her father's affection.

I want her to grow up confident in the fact that she has two parents who love her no matter what and that there is a God in heaven that loves her even more than either of us could ever imagine.

I have been told that having children gives you a new perspective on God.  And I have to admit that it does.  I just wish that it was easier to form that identity in my heart and mind that I'm an object of affection to God (like  my daughter seems to have when it comes to her parents).  There's no bigger testament to his love than the Jesus death, burial, and resurrection.  Yet when He says He loves me, I don't grin and point to myself, secure in that knowledge.  Sometimes I struggle in accepting that love and grace.  Sometimes I doubt his delight in me.  I'm kinda jealous of my daughter in all honesty.

I have a lot to learn, and I'm glad He has blessed us with our daughter to reveal more of Himself to us...to me!

Odin vs. Jesus...

I saw this and had these thoughts....

1. I'm pretty sure that looks more like Thor than Odin.
2. I'm glad I'm not an Ice Giant.
3. I'm can't remember Jesus specifically promising the end of all wicked people.
4. Even if he did, I'm ecstatic that he is patient and wants none to perish...2 Peter 3:9