where to start...

Some of you know this, and some of you don't, but if you read this blog post you will automatically be filed into the former category.  I want to write a book.  A work of fiction!  I'm usually very hesitant to tell people this for two reasons!  One, I told this desire to a friend once and he laughed quite loudly and said (and this is almost verbatim) that it is a stupid idea!  Well he had his reasons for why he thought it was a stupid idea and I accepted that my dream was stupid and I was crushed.  I've grown past that and have decided that it isn't a stupid idea, but its still hard when looking for support from ones you care about and there is none.

The second reason is almost the opposite.  Its the expectation!  I've told other people about my desire to write and about some of the things I've already begone to write and they get excited and want to read it!  I either start changing what I want to write so that I think they may be more impressed by it, or I get an intense feeling of pressure and quit writing because I feel its hopeless to meet their expectations. 

Both reasons in the end are ultimately stupid.  I should write what I want to write because I find joy in it.  So after a long break I've started to do just that.  My biggest problem is deciding what to write.  Its not for a lack of ideas or inspirations but from an abundance of them that I am troubled.  I have three stories started at the moment and ideas brewing for at least a half dozen more and they all stay up there in my brain and brew constantly.  I want to focus on one but another intrudes. 

Its kind of like when I go to Gillette to visit family and friends.  Most trips I am there for a short time (a couple days) and there are a dozen different people I want to see and hang out with and it just doesn't happen so I pick a few and know that others will possibly be hurt from my inattention. 

So out of the three stories I have started, one of them I hold most dear and I'm most delicate with and the other two are more passing flings.  But I struggle with articulating the thoughts in my head and translating that to paper and know that only with practice will this get better.  So I want to waste more of my drivel on the flings and share the true inspiration for the highly prized one.  And then there are the other stories which want out of my head and I force myself to hold them back a while longer so I can at least finish one of the other three. 

So I guess I might as well just pick one and get started...